The Weight Demon…

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with my weight.  I guess I never thought of myself as fat but just always the “chubby girl” (even when I really wasn’t!)  It was by far the worst in high school – I’m sure this is true for most girls – but my self esteem was just so, so low during those years.  And to be honest, looking back I was a thin girl for most of high school.  I mean, not super skinny or anything, I always had curves but I had a pretty great body and never even realized it.  Makes me want to go back and slap some sense into my younger self!

Anyways, thinking back on it, I’ve been dieting on and off since I was in 8th grade – so the last TEN years of my life.  I know this is awful but when I was younger (and stupider) my diet would be to just barely eat.  Healthy? No, not at all but it sure did work fast.  I’m happy to say since then I have learned the error of my ways & the many reasons why starving yourself just isn’t worth it.  It scares me how warped I was about how I looked and how easily I could stop myself from eating.

I think I started high school around 135lbs, went down to 125lbs during sophmore year (my thinnest), back up to 130lbs Junior year and then by the end of Senior Year I was up to 150lbs.  I’m sure that had a good deal to do with quitting figure skating and also, the stupid crazy, yo-yo dieting I would do.

I remember thinking before I left for college that I thought 150 was the biggest I could go and that I didn’t think I’d gain the Freshman 15.  I was wrong, I came home from Freshman year of college around 168lbs and I was feeling awful about myself.  I knew I needed a change and I wanted to lose weight the RIGHT way this time (hello, more mature self)  I lost 8lbs on Weight Watchers and then another 15 or so on South Beach and started Sophmore of college around 140-145lbs – a really wonderful, healthy weight for me (which I was able to realize once I stopped OBSESSING over the numbers).  Even at that weight I’m at the higher end of the healthy BMI for my height but I don’t care – I really feel like that is where my natural, healthy weight is meant to be.  I’ve come to realize I’ll probably always have a little more pudge than I really want on my hips but thats just how I’m made.  I’m curvy – as I get older I embrace it more.  I play up the parts of me I like (boobs & legs 🙂 ) and play down the parts I don’t.

Anyways, I stayed around 140-150ish throughout my Sophmore, Junior and Senior years of college without even dieting.  You want to know why?  Because I joined dance team and we practiced 3-4 times a week 1-2 hours a night.  Thus proving the greatness of exercise!

The real problems started once I graduated college three years ago.  I wasn’t dancing anymore and the most exercise I get at work is literally walking in and out of the building when I come in and leave.  So I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise that the weight started coming on.  I would gain some, lose some, gain some… and eventually, I was up to my highest weight again – 168lbs.  I lost some, and sat at 160lbs for awhile – which with some slightly better self esteem wasn’t even that bad to me.

And then this past August I met my boyfriend.  If I had to guess I’d say I was around 165lbs when we first started dating.  The happy, new relationship weight followed (I know you girls know what I’m talkin about!) – I think it was a combination of lots of dinners out and being so happy and not worrying about my weight as much.

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time for a big change.  I got on the scale (which I had been avoiding like the plague!) and dealt with my new highest number – 183.  It was awful to see but also a big ass wake up call.  So, that brings us to today..

My First Weigh-In Wednesday

When I first read Tabitha‘s Weigh In Wednesday post (she is totally kickin ass losing weight btw 🙂 ), I thought it was a great idea, that she was really gutsy/awesome for posting her weight and I wished I could do it too but I was too embarassed.  With a little encouraging from the lovely lady herself I decided I just need to own it.  These numbers don’t define me and what a great way to take accountability for my goals.

So, without further ado – here is my very first weigh-in:

Starting weight: 179
Goal weight: 145

That is a very bad, no good number BUT it is better than 183 which is where I was at a few weeks ago.  Thinking back on my past struggles I think where I have gone wrong lately is with the lack of exercise.  I’ve only been dieting and I really want to kick up the exercise.  I think that is really the way I can get the weight off.  Of course since I do have a good amount to lose I will be doing both – diet & exercise.  Here are my two goals for the weight:

#1. Stick to Weight Watchers strictly
2.  Exercise at least 3 times before next Wednesday weigh-in

Check back next Wednesday to see how it goes (I promise it won’t be this long lol)!

Peace out chickidees and thanks for reading this long ass post. 🙂


9 thoughts on “The Weight Demon…

  1. Yay!! I’m so proud of you for putting all this stuff out there, and I can’t wait to see how everything goes for you. I’m always here if you need a little push in the right direction, some accountability or just a listening ear. 🙂 I’m gonna go update my post with a link to this one!

  2. You can do it! I started the medifast diet in February and I am down 35 lbs. It’s another option, though expensive. Good luck and I can’t wait to read about your progress.

  3. Go you! I’ve been starting to not really diet, but trying to make better choices. I just love food too much. Have you heard of the Hungry Girl cook books? You should check them out. They help you make better choices when going food shopping or out to eat while still allowing you to enjoy eating.
    Lovin your blog!

  4. Sister we can do it! I am a WW girl too! Ps saw your comment on my John Krasinski post. Love him!! Also my name is Allie too, and I am so glad you spell it the right way! ha.

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