Relationship Checkup

Today I got to thinking about relationships and what it takes to make one work.
(how very carrie bradshaw-esque of me, I know)
I thought about how we take our cars for tune ups,
our teeth for cleanings,
our bodies for checkups all to prevent and catch problems early –
and maybe our relationships deserve the same kind of attention and care.

All this thinking started when the Boy and I got into a little spat on Tuesday.
The fight itself was pretty minor and insignificant
but at the same time revealed something bigger
that had been bothering him for awhile now.
You guys might not know this but I don’t read minds

and I had no idea he was feeling the way he was.
If you’re curious –
the jist of it was that he felt like we always do what I want to do.
But I always thought we were doing what WE wanted to do.

The issue was easily resolved but the thing that was really bothering me was
why it took so long for him to say something about it? (9 months in!)
I spent the majority of yesterday very upset over it.
I couldn’t help wondering what else was bothering him,
What else he was keeping inside and not saying to me.
I learned first hand a couple months back what keeping things in will do –
The tension builds,
You get annoyed over little things,
When a simple conversation can make things all better.

So when I saw him yesterday I had one request for him:

“Please, please don’t keep things bottled up.  Because those little things fester and build inside of you and then this happens where something that should be a little, stupid one minute fight becomes so much bigger.  So, just put it out there.  Tell me if there is anything bothering you.”

And he did.
And then I did. 
Nothing Earth stopping, just little things. 
And when it was all said and done,
Any tension I had been starting to feel between us was gone. 
And there was a calmness and comfort that came with the honesty.
And a new feelings of closeness from being allowed to say the things we really felt.

And it really got me thinking that every so often,
maybe its necessary to give our relationship a checkup.
To fine tune it,
So that it runs smoother than before.
To catch that cavity before you need a root canal.
To fix a problem before it’s irrepairable.

And really – relationship checkups are totally better
than those car tuneups,
teeth cleanings,
and doctor visits I mentioned anyways,
because these checkups end with awesome,
hot – iloveyousomuch, makeup sex.

And if there’s one thing I can get down with about fighting,
It’s the making up. 🙂

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16 thoughts on “Relationship Checkup

  1. kudos on a great post. You are preaching my gospel, singing my song and telling my truth.

    The number two complaint that I get in my practice is that most men don’t feel safe telling their women the truth. The reason is, that if a guy says anything remotely critical of the woman, most women go on the offense and shout the guy down with the notion that he had better never do that again. Far too many men shut up and seethe in silence.

    So again I say kudos to you to draw boyfriend out and get him to open up and you did not blast him. This is as it should be in a healthy relationship.

    Your sisters should learn from your example. For the record, I am going to copy your post and put it up on my blog giving you credit of course to give you more coverage.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  2. I wish that more guys would really listen and try to do that! I’ve been having the same problem, it seems that no matter how honest you ask them to be, it is always four months later when they bring up “that one time at your sister’s house when you said that one thing that you always say” (see how confusing it can be?!).
    I applaud you for putting this out there, and I hope that more people (guys, too) will read and learn from it!

  3. It’s all about partnership! Nine months in ain’t too bad for just getting to this. This is something that just can’t wait, but you have to be comfortable enough to open up. It sounds like you made that possible. Kudos!

  4. Aww, what a beautiful idea and lovely post! I was joking around with my sister Mic last year and I thought that men should have to re-propose every year, just to check in with how they are doing and for a yearly evaluation of the relationship – it is kiiiinda a similar idea.
    A couple has to be able to look at things objectively in order to do a check-in, and I think often, that is the hardest part.
    It sounds like you are in a great relationship with open communication and I wish you the best in the future!

  5. Great post- I am glad everything worked out. Making up is the best part 🙂 My ex-bf always expected me to “read his mind” it got to the point where we got in major fights over insignificant things simply because he just wouldn’t voice how he was feeling…very frustrating! I WISH I could read minds lol

  6. Thanks for stopping by my blog. 🙂

    You are so right – it’s so important to press pause in a relationship at times & give it a tune up as you described. In my younger years, there were things that would bother me in a relationship, but I would be so afraid to say anything, for fear that the person would just break up with me. I want to slap my younger self! But at the same time, those not-so-great relationships taught me that I need to be in the kind of relationship where i feel safe bringing up things that bother me. And I needed to get to the point where I loved myself enough to choose me over a relationship if a boyfriend & I couldn’t work through something….

  7. thank you SO much for stopping by my little blog! i love this post… so true!! and a great analogy! i hope to see you around more often! i don’t seen anywhere to follow you, but i’ll be back! 🙂

  8. You are so right on this – i have seen small things cause an argument that blows out of all proportion due to pent-up frustrations . . . but then I also find it hard to be honest in relationships and say anything that is bugging me, just because I’m scared it will result in a break-up.

    And this is one of the reasons why I now prefer to be single…

    Fantastic post though!

  9. I am true to my word and just reposted your blog on my blog site. Again, kudos on a great post. I hope that I send some new readers your way.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  10. What a beautiful post, and a great reminder that relationships do deserve that extra care and consideration. I have to admit that I am famous in relationships for being just like your boyfriend — keeping things bottled up until it becomes a much larger issue. Thankfully, Joe has begun to cure me of that, but it’s a slow process. 🙂

  11. I remember that back when I was dating Irish, he said he didn’t like it that my dog would jump on his furniture or his bed. He told me this after over three months of us spending time at his place (a lot). Initially I felt hurt; like you, I had no idea where this was coming from, no idea he felt like this! I went out, bought a dog bed and voila! Problem solved. I asked him to tell me from that point forward if things bothered him so that we could clear the air ahead of time.

    It’s important to take a step back and look at all relationships, I think, from time to time. They could all use a little fine tuning I bet!

    Great, insightful post!

  12. Amazing post! So agree with what you said about us not a mind reader.

    Relationship needs check ups but before that we must know what we should check up, right? If one of the parties in relationship has something bothering him/her, then they should say it, talk it out, fix it..

  13. I love this post. I think setting aside a time for a check up is a great idea. I always feel better after we talk. He has a very demanding career. I want to be a comfortable and welcoming place for him to fall. So if we agree on a time, we both know to discuss what’s bothering us at a time when we are expecting it. And then you look at it as a necessary part of a healthy relationship that needs maintenance and attention like everything else in life.

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