A Change in Me

I’ve changed and I don’t know when and I don’t know why.

But sometimes I take a look at myself and how I”m handling grad school and life and I think, “this is so not like me, what’s that about?”  And I just can’t seem to figure it out.  But I suppose its a good thing when the change is not worrying as much, not crying as much, not focusing on the negative as much.

I guess, I just don’t understand where this change has come from though.  There’s so much to worry about.  My family life is essentially falling apart, the Boy is going through some drama that could be weighing on me heavily, I have a list a mile long of school work and yet, I sit here and I hope for the best and I don’t stress.

But that is so NOT me.

I’m a worrier, I stress, I cry, I freak out… so why am I not?  Some days, it makes me feel strong and other days, I just feel hardened and I’m not sure if I like that.

When life keep throwing you curve balls, is this just what has to happen?  Do we find new ways to deal and in return we change?


6 thoughts on “A Change in Me

  1. I hit a wrong button and the message sent before I was done. Carpe Diem literally means to sieze the day. You do it out of a positive mind set and force of will to resolve your challenges. To worry is like sitting on a hot stove and complaining about the heat. Get up off the hot stove. Live by force of will and failure is not an option.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  2. I say you just go with it… you are feeling this way for a reason. Perhaps you are meant to be the strong, solid one through this. I hate to be the cliche commenter but I have learned from life that everything actually does happen for a reason.

  3. Hey… oh dear, i’ve just wrote a massive comment on your old blog! I found it on a random search on google (If you never try you’ll never know) :S !!! I didn’t realise til after I posted it that you did that blog post in SEPTEMBER 2008!
    and then i seen the last post in that blog was in May 2010! eek! and the last post on here was in Nov 2010 but this is supposed to be your new blog? ahhh basically i said in your other blog that I love your posts especially you’ll never try you’ll never know one
    Heres the msg i wrote –

    Hey.. i have a couple of blogs like a tumblr and a blogger blog, but i might get a wordpress one since it seems nicer & well I never use the other blogs! I hope you email back, i’ve just read a couple of your posts and you seem really interesting, i know we have loads we could talk about! I share that sense of being insecure, i loved your post ‘If you never try you’ll never know just what your worth’, coz I’m shy, i used to be really confident coz as a kid you just don’t really care and think you can do anything (well you CAN do anything its just silly thoughts and insecurities that make you think you can’t when your older!)” My insecurity stops me from going after what I want.” like you said u wanted to be a writer i wanted to be either an actress or entertainer in the music/tv industry well its changed to tv/radio presenter now but still close… anyway, tonight i had such a great night, and its funny what abit of will power can do. I feel so proud coz I was much more confident and sociable, only because I really applied myself. I could have chosen to be a wallflower and regretted it but nope…but theres that niggling insecurity that I might have let on to a boy that i was interested and im a bit scared of rejection… therefore i searched ‘if you never try you’ll never know’ for inspiration n reassurance to feel better (on google) and stumbled across your blog! and I love this – “Then I realized that I will never get better at writing if I don’t start. I will never get better at dating if I keep myself closed off because I’m scared of being rejected.”
    lol i didnt mean this to be such an essay… ermmmmm….. i would say more but this is my first ever msg to you so i dont wanna ramble on! il wait to see if you reply! From Berni (girls name haha)

    and the link http://littlemissobsessivexo.wordpress.com/2008/09/06/if-you-never-try-youll-never-know-just-what-youre-worth/#comment-1022

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